Oh my god! Not another joke thread!

[Monty]

Welke boom heeft geen blaadjes?

Een slagboom.
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Not sure whether that's funny or not but the [a href=\"http://babelfish.altavista.com/]Babel Fish[/url] translation made me laugh.

[AdamGS]

Translation: Which tree has no sheets? A battle tree.

[Meerman]

 Stupid inaccurate online translators.

I said...ack never mind, the joke is lost in the translation

[Sprite Machine]

Genius! I actually laughed at the Dutch version too, before I even knew what it meant... just 'cos it sounded funny, like.

[Blueski]

The little boy balloon was told by his father "son, you're getting too big to sleep in the same bed as your mother and I now. You'll have to sleep in your own bed from now on."
So the mother and father balloon put their son to bed that night, and went to bed themselves.
In the middle of the night, the boy balloon got restless and decided to sneak into his parent balloons' bedroom. He floated in and tried to squeeze into their bed between them, but found he was too inflated to fit. So he went over to his father's valve, and let some of his air out. *hiiissssssssss*
Then he tried to squeeze back in between them again. Still too big.
So he went over to his mother's valve and let some air out of her too. *hissssss*
He tried to squeeze in between them again, but again failed.
This time he undid his own valve and let some air out. *hiiiisssssssss*
When he got inbetween his parents this time, he just fit nicely. "Ahh," he thought, "that's better". And he fell asleep.

The following morning his father had a stern word with him. "Son," he said, "I'm very upset with you. Not only have you let me down, but you've let your mother down and you've let yourself down."
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[Bob Todd]

A Native American chief named Shortcake dies.
"Who will bury him?" asks the new chief.
The widow says "Squaw bury Shortcake."

[Sprite Machine]

Who's Squaw?

[Kenny]

Who's Squaw?
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The WIDOW you berk, sprite!!!  

[Monty]

Squaw

[Lucas]

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a Pub. The landlord says "what's this? Some sort of joke?"

[Lucas]

A man walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre.

The bar man says "I'll give you one".

[sephirothq]

Two elderly ladies at a nursing home were outside, going for a smoke, when it started to rain.  As the first lady was going to walk back inside and postpone her cigarette break, she notice the other lady pull a small box from her sachel and extract a rubber "finger glove".  She snipped the end of it off with her grooming
snippers and began to slide the rubber over the cigarette she was smoking.
The first lady asked her: "what is that?"
her friend answered, "it's a condom.  And if I slide it over my cigarette, it'll stay dry in the rain."
Rain was frequent in this area, and the first lady thought this was quite an economical idea.  So the next day, the first lady went to the counter of the corner drug store, walked up to the cashier, and announced very casually: "I'd like to buy a large box of condoms."
The cashier looked at her a moment, trying not to be rude: the woman before him was roughly 87 years of age, dressed in a flower-patterned skirt, and wore bi-focals.   Delicately, so as not to offend the customer, he said: "What brand do you
prefer, ma'am?"
This the woman hadn't even thought of.  "Oh I don't care what brand," She said briskly, "just as long as it's big enough to fit a Camel!"
The pharmacist nearly fainted.

Not very original, but it still made me laugh when I heard it
Seph

[Monty]

How much does c**kney shampoo cost?

Pantene.

[Hanley]

How much does c**kney shampoo cost?

Pantene.
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[Bob Todd]

3 black women are in a plane.
One says: "I'm wearing orange pants in case the plane crashes in the sea - I'll be able to use them to signal to the rescue crew."
Another says: "I'm wearing pink pants in case the plane crashes on land - I can signal to the rescue team with them."
The third one says: "I'm wearing no pants, because if the plane crashes the first thing they'll look for is the black box."

[Kenny]

3 black women are in a plane.
One says: "I'm wearing orange pants in case the plane crashes in the sea - I'll be able to use them to signal to the rescue crew."
Another says: "I'm wearing pink pants in case the plane crashes on land - I can signal to the rescue team with them."
The third one says: "I'm wearing no pants, because if the plane crashes the first thing they'll look for is the black box."
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[Monty]

Is it inappropriate to get head from a midget?

It depends if you're nuts over her.

[MIkes]

What do you call a fanny o top of a fanny on top of a fanny?

A block of flaps.

[sephirothq]

What do you call a fanny o top of a fanny on top of a fanny?

A block of flaps.
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[Sprite Machine]

How much does c**kney shampoo cost?

Pantene.
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IDGI