Preparation of a Presentation – E3

Early June, mere weeks before E3. A large, south-facing corporate meeting room in the platform holder’s building. Large windows allow natural light in and a number of potted plants quietly photosynthesise. One man in a suit is about to open his test run of a presentation to another man in a suit…

 

“Hello”

“I think I’ll have to stop you there. Do the kids still say “hello”?”

“I don’t know. Maybe they don’t”

“Your phone is right there.”

“I don’t know any kids to call though. I could call a school, would that be weird?”

“What? Yes it would be weird. I mean search the internet with it.”

“Ah. Search, yes”

“You don’t know how to, do you?”

“Not on my phone”

“We made that phone.”

“Haha”

“No, really. We did.”

“Oh.”

“We make lots of other things. They used to be the focus of the business.”

“Did they really?”

“They did.”

“Then why aren’t they doing that any more?”

“I think they thought they’d make more money from the games industry.”

“We make more money than movies, you know. It says that later in my speech”

“We’ll see.”

“That’s fascinating! Everyone loves movies. They had women in one of them recently too you know.”

“So what have you got after hello? We’ll mark that as a maybe.”

“I think we should get a focus group to work on that”

“Good idea, so what is after hello?”

“and welcome”

“Hm. OK, we’ll see what the focus groups come back with on hello and we might need to change that too.”

“I thought this year we could take out some of the sales figures stuff, you know, for the kids. They must hate that stuff”

“Oh god no.”

“What? Surely they don’t enjoy that stuff?”

“Oh, no. They hate it, but if we get rid of that we’ll have a twenty minute show and everyone will mock us.”

“I suppose. I’ll need to get some figures then”

“We’ll get the factories to confirm how many we’re building in the next five years and use that.”

“Can’t we use sales figures?”

“Now why would we do a silly thing like that? Anyway, what next?”

“I’d not got much further, I don’t know what we’ve got to announce”

“Oh, sorry. Pretty much nothing.”

“What?”

“I mean, we’ve got a few things coming out in the next couple of years, but we’ve already announced those. There’s no way we can afford to do more than a couple of things a year, they cost way too much.”

“Third party exclusives?”

“No, but we’ve got a couple of timed-DLC exclusives.”

“Main single-player content?”

“Just costumes and stuff.”

“That’s not very good.”

“Well, no, but we can still invite Ubisoft on stage to demonstrate the game for ten minutes based on that. That’ll pad it out.”

“Even I know everyone hates Ubisoft, we can’t have them on our stage!”

“Everyone does hate Ubisoft, but everyone forgets they hate Ubisoft whenever Ubisoft announce something.”

“But if it’s only for the announcement…”

“It lasts. They remember being excited about the announcement, then they buy the game and…”

“…And then they hate Ubisoft.”

“Exactly. But as long as we distance ourselves a bit by Christmas we can give them as long as they want on stage.”

“Indie games!”

“Bless you.”

“No, I mean, I wrote indie games down here in my notes. They were huge the last two or three years, everyone loved the focus on them”

“You remember our meetings?”

“Well, yes, we might have only put them in as we didn’t have any real games, but…”

“I think people worked out that we made them up to fill time on stage.”

“We probably should have released some of them…”

“Probably, but we can mention them again this year at least. It’s not like they’re real indies anyway, they’re just developers too scared to pitch for triple A amounts of money”

“True, on both counts”

“Anyway, important part. Who is going to play us out? I was thinking Avicii…”